I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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