i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize