4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
