i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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