What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
being pregnant is like rehab
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
