i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
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I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
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i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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