Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
