I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
