wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
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i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
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I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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