i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.