You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.