remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage