the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole