Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.