btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch