I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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