I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
