I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
