I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
