Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.