I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude