Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
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I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
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It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
is that a dick in a sweater?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(