we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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