apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
