They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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