HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
