So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
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i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize