You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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