we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
