I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
