we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
