I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
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I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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