one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
they're like a gay fantastic four
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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