so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
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He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
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What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
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