he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
