I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
