Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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