I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
whose parrot is this?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
