worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
