the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
