So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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