i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
