Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
