you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
