what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
