I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
