I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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