May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
