she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
