i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
