i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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