I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
