Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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