and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
