what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
