Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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