I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
