it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
