I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Randomize
