vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize