when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I stole a fireplace last night.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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