Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Girls should come with a carfax report
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
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you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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