I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You need a sexual gate keeper
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
