I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
