a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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