I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize